Know ThySelf

Dear Friend,

I hope you're well these days! It can feel quite different practicing yoga during the summer when it's hot and sweaty. I actually find it very helpful and personally love to sweat, but I know not everyone does. What's your preference? (would love to hear back )

I've noticed that I have recently been too occupied with myself, what can often be described as being self-involved, which is a sign that my yoga practice is not optimal and probably needs some tuning. After years of practice I realized that when I am happy, content, and at peace, when yoga actually works well, my natural inclination is to expand my sense of self outward and care more about others, about nature, and anything else that is out there. When I am less happy, content, or at peace, I tend to contract and be more invested in the contents of my own thoughts and emotions. It could also be the other way around, being interested in others is a good recipe for happiness where as being self-absorbed leads to tension and distress.

The main question or inquiry that led to the emergence of yoga as a contemplative path was "who am I", or more accurately - what is this sense of "I" that seem to define us at the deepest level. This question and the inquiry it awakes is key in understanding the nature of reality, particularly the internal one. Most contemplative schools of thought that originated in ancient India were grappling with similar inquiries, although often using different terminology and arriving at slightly different insights. Even ancient Western Philosophers such as Socrates suggested that the most important quest in life is knowing thyself.

All of the above mentioned traditions came to a similar conclusion that this sense of self is an illusion, very similar to an optical illusion. We seem to have a very strong feeling of an "I" which appears to be at the center of every experience, it is so deeply ingrained in us that we rarely doubt its existence as a solid entity that defines who are, and as a byproduct of that we tend to believe that the contents of our thoughts and emotions are genuine expressions of what we refer to as "I" or "me". A good mediation practice usually reveals that all thoughts are simply manifestations of a conditioned mind, they are products of an excessively active imagination, and the sense of self is nothing but a construct of mental or psychological content weaved together in a complex web. When we see it as it is with some effective practice it seems to naturally dissolve, just like any optical illusion once we're able to spot the confusing part.

I find it useful to compare this common false perception of self to driving a car. If we pay close attention we may notice that when we drive a car we perceive the world as moving towards us, whether it's other cars, or road signs, or anything else that appears through the windshield. We unconsciously feel as though we are in a static state at the center of reality and everything is simply coming at us. This is obviously a necessary point of view that guaranties a safe arrival to our destination. However, if we experiment with changing our point of view we can perceive things quite differently, we may notice that it is us who are moving towards the world and not the other way around. Driving a car is by default a process of moving through time and space just like most situations in life, particularly those that involve any kind of movement. Even when we seem to stay put in one place we always move forward in time. The self is essentially a process of continuous flow of transition from one moment to the next, from one state to another, moving at the precise speed of one second per second.

Obviously we need the false sense of self to survive, flourish, and win the game of natural selection. In fact it is very likely that it evolved in our species for this exact reason. Yoga teachings do not advocate that we renounce this feeling of "I" but rather recommend that we use it as a useful tool without getting identified with it, and when it's not needed we can let it go and rest in the clear knowing of the falseness of it. When we get established in our yoga practice, this realization that the self is nothing but mental content is always under the surface, even when we act in the world as though we are a fundamental self.

When we are stuck in the false belief that the contracted sense of self is real, we seem to get ourselves into all sorts of predicaments. It creates tension, distress and disharmony, we create internal and external conflicts and live in a constant state of lack, of dissatisfaction. It limits our capacity to experience inner peace and joy. When we let go of this false belief and embody the profound truth about who or what we really are and not who we think we are, we experience a tremendous relief from the tension of holding on to this identification.

Sadly we live in a culture that celebrates thoughts, emotions, and opinions as authentic expressions of who we are at our core, and we are taught from a young age that to be true to who we really are is to share with others the contents of our thoughts and emotions. This pathology is in direct opposition to centuries of accumulated contemplative wisdom. According to the teachings of yoga, the Buddha, and other contemplative schools, any path to true and sustainable happiness must be rooted in the insight that the vast majority of our thoughts (and opinions, feelings, etc..) are simply byproducts of a mind that is running on responsive automation, driven by layers and layers of easily triggered, conditioned, algorithm like code. When we are able to look deep within, we can clearly see that there is no one driving this "car", that contents simply come and go, appear and disappear, on their own. That means that if we want to experience reality as it is and enjoy the peaceful harmony that comes from being aligned with it, we need to see through thoughts and emotions and not identify with them.

Important to mention that not all thoughts are useless forms of mental fluctuation, some are actually very useful or creative and we can skillfully develop our capacity to think well. We can learn how to mindfully use thoughts as powerful tools that serve us well rather than be trapped in them, and we can also let our thought run wild when we need to give the mind some rest, letting them dissolve the moment they arise.

The next stage after seeing through the illusory self is to inquire into the true Self. Realizing what the self isn't doesn't always lead us to realizing what the real Self is, and very often could feel terrifying. We may fear that letting go of that life-long familiar sense of self could result in something like self-extinction or self-annihilation, which is naturally very scary! When we reach this state, preferably with some helpful guidance, we must muster some courage to continue with our contemplative inquiries. We should always remind ourselves that this sense of self we have been operating from our entire life is not going away anywhere, it will always be available to us when we need it, juts like many realized beings did throughout history. The knowledge that comes from direct experience of what the true Self is or isn't shifts things on much deeper levels and doesn't take anything away from our ability to function well in our day to day life and do all the things a normal person does like go to work, earn money, have meaningful relationships, enjoy some ice cream on a summer day. In fact it is much more likely to help us function much better.

That true Self can only be discovered by true seekers as part of a committed contemplative practice, or for some it can also arise as a sudden realization if conditions are ripe. We can read or study about it, we may call it Purusha, or Shunyata, or Atman, or Brahman, or any other name, it doesn't matter. The only way for it to make a real impact is to be directly experienced first hand. However, letting go of identification with the small sense of self, even if not followed by a profound realization of the true nature of Self, can be deeply liberating by itself.